How to stop loving a person who does not love you? Psychologist's advice

Often in a psychological consultation people with such questions as "How to stop loving a person who does not love you?" Is it possible to tear out this feeling from the heart , from which no one has any good or joy? "And they come not because they have nothing more to do, but because unrequited love takes away so much of the moral strength that the rest of their lives are already Does not remain. And the new relationship is not tied, because the old ones are not yet fully completed. The result is pain, despair and emotional emptiness, which reach such a degree that a person decides to turn to his specialist with his misfortune.

Naturally, each situation is unique and one can not give a general algorithm of actions that will lead to the desired goal of absolutely everyone. However, there are some general answers to the question: "How to stop loving a person who does not love you?"

How to stop loving someone who does not love you: written practices

Written practices are a method to "defuse the battery" of feelings, that is, to remove heat, passion, reduce emotional dependence. This work is done alone, and its purpose is to bring inner feelings outward, to look at them from the side, detached. It is necessary to carry out tasks step-by-step, taking this process seriously and responsibly, since it's unlikely that you will soon cease to love a person who was dear, without any effort.

Workshop: feelings and desires

1. Take a notebook (a notepad, an album, a stack of sheets - not the essence) and describe your feelings. All. Starting from the brightest and ending with the most insignificant - if only they were associated with the object of unhappy love. This includes the desires that you experience in relation to him, the dreams associated with him, etc.
2. Think about why these feelings have appeared, what they are supported and what lies at their basis. Well, for example: "I felt lonely, and he was always there, and when we broke up, I often called" or "She gave me a new phone when the old one broke down. So no one cared about me yet. " Feelings are not taken from nowhere, they are born and supported by certain situations and the behavior of people in them. Care, moral and material support, just the attractiveness and sexuality of the object of passion, everything that has formed attachment to a person, it is necessary to remember and record. The text must be at least three pages long. If it does not work out right away, think about the hour, day, week, and continue the list.
3. Imagine the ideal lover for yourself: how it should be outwardly and in character. Write a detailed, detailed description, list common life situations and its reactions to them.
4. Now compare the results of the second and third paragraphs and answer: is your chosen one really the one who you need? Separately write down all its shortcomings, it is desirable that they were as much as possible. Do not invent anything - just remember the little things: bad habits, inattention, greed, posturing, selfishness, physical flaws.
5. Reread the list of cons of the subject of your suffering and think: do you really need this person?
6. We all want to think that it is we who will be able to change our chosen one, alter it for ourselves, but this happens in 1 case out of 10. The remaining 9 pairs expect only the worsening of the negative traits of partners over time. Imagine the future of your relationship with this person, when his shortcomings will increase. The man is poor, does not want to work? Generally cease to get up from the couch, will have to provide it. Does a guy like funny companies, where beer flows like a river? Will go to an elevated degree and sopetsya. The girl flirts with every counter? Will change to the right and left. You again think about how to stop loving a person who does not love you, years later, but then the separation will take place with great losses.

It is not necessary to throw your experiences on your own accord and exclaim: "How can one fall out of love with the person with whom you are so attached? Only time is able to heal the soul! "It is better just to take and fulfill the points described. Love will be held for a period of a couple of days to a month - and you will again be a free, open-minded person.