How to decide on a second child? We find out all the pros and cons

Most families wonder: "How many children?". The brave say that they would like a lot of children. The more cautious they want to first earn a flat, a car, etc., and then just start thinking about children. So where is the truth?

Of course, several children in the family are not nonsense. It is known that where the child is not alone, relationships with people are better structured. It is especially good if the children are heterosexual. This makes it possible to learn how to understand a woman's nature from an early age, and vice versa.

Finance

How to decide on the birth of a second child? In recent years, the whole point of the issue is limited by financial problems. It's no secret that the current life requires parents to make significant financial investments, including in the development of children. It is noticeable that it is already in the period when the child is going to the kindergarten. There begins the fees for uniforms, toys, trips, gifts, graduation banquets. And it's not worth talking about school. Each child wants to have a computer, the Internet, go on a camping trip or celebrate a birthday. All this today requires fairly large expenditures. And this side of the question forces young people to abandon the second child, so as not to damage the financial security of the former.

But here it is worth remembering folk wisdom, which says that the child himself needs a little: to feed more often and to love more. One problem - society does not always accept this. And in case the husband and wife decided on the second child, they will have to constantly face a certain confrontation of others. And to inspire your children, not just with words, but with all their behavior and literally from the first minutes of their life, that they are not worse than others, and maybe even better, that not the quantity of money determines the success and consistency in life. It is very difficult, and not all are ready and can do it.

The easiest way to abandon the idea of having several children. Then one child has two parents, plus all the grandmothers and grandfathers will be put on their feet and will be able to provide him with a comfortable life but a normal life.

But the question is: is it worth it? After all, statistics have long proved that problem children often come from wealthy families. Of course, we do not take into account dysfunctional families, talk about normal parents.

Distribution of roles

How to decide to have a second child? Another important criterion is not finance, but the distribution of attention and roles in such a family. With one kid everything is clear: everything is for him alone, he is the center of the family and cares. And when their two? Small, of course, need attention often more than the grown up. But the elder is not ready to accept this. Children's jealousy is a terrible thing. Psychologists advise in advance to prepare the first child for the appearance of a new member of the family: to go with the child to visit friends who have several children about his age, not to separate him from cares about the mother that his brother or sister wears, tell him how the whole The family together will take care of the little one, because he will be born so helpless. You can show photos where the oldest child is at a very small age, and explain to him that he was so weak and defenseless, and everyone cared for him.

When the second kid is born, let the elder take part in the affairs available to him. For example, helping to bathe a little or go to the store, help the mother to decompose things. So there will be no enmity between the children. The elder will learn mutual aid and understanding of difficulties.

Now that the second child does not sooner or later consume the care of the whole family as a child. With age, he too must have responsibilities. First, for example, do not make noise when the elder is doing homework. Then, perhaps, to help (go to the store, clean up the room, etc.). In this case, it can be expected that the children will be friends, because they will feel responsible for each other and for the integrity and tranquility of the whole family.

Difficulties that arise in the process of bearing the second child

Do I need a second child? Each family should give the answer to this question independently. But in order to make a decision, one must be aware that difficulties will be inevitable. And a lot depends on whether the parent is ready to tolerate and fight with them.

The first problem will occur immediately, as soon as the mother is in position. She will not be able to play with the elders the same way as before, and give him the same amount of time. It is worth explaining what is happening. If the first child is at a very small age, it is better to let him know that my mother is feeling a little bad, because she is expecting another baby. It's good if there are animals in the house. They will visually demonstrate to the mother's child the care of the kids, regardless of the number of them. Of course, this is the case if the pet brings the offspring, and not sterilized.

By the way, the presence of animals in the family is good at teaching children to take care of the younger, requiring protection and attention. And, probably, do not show the child that in order to please his calm you can get rid of a cat or a dog, castrate them, etc. Of course, there are cases when such measures become a necessity, for example, if a child has an allergy. But in this case you can show your child care. Bring him to the device of the animal, and in fact a member of the family, in good hands, or with him to carry it out.

If there are no animals in the house and there is no possibility to start them, then you can read books and watch films on such topics together with your child. It is necessary to comment on what is happening in order to evoke a response of sympathy, compassion and the desire to help the weak.

Age difference matters

Whether to decide on the second child? Often people who want to have another baby postpone it for a while, when the elder grows older and becomes meaningful about life. This logic is not meaningless from the point of view that the first child will in fact become better aware of what is happening over the years, and much can be explained to him. But also those who hold the opinion that there should not be a big difference in age are not so wrong.

Indeed, if the children were born with an interval of one or two years, the elder did not yet have time to realize his uniqueness and irreplaceability. And the appearance of the younger will not greatly strain him, and perhaps even amuse. But here lies another danger. The eldest, being still quite a baby, can perceive a small one as a toy. Therefore, parents should not lose sight of both of them, especially when they are alone. After all, the eldest can try to feed the baby with an apple or try to transfer it from place to place. It can end badly.

It is better to involve the elder in the care of the little one. Let it helps mom and dad to change diapers, bathe and prepare the mixture. Let it be present during feeding and hygiene procedures. Then he will see how to handle the baby, what he is fed and how carefully he takes in his arms, how much he sleeps and awake. This will strengthen the relationship between the kids and rally the whole family.

When children grow up, it is worthwhile to drive them together in circles, a school and a kindergarten. If there is no possibility, due to certain circumstances, to send the children to one kindergarten / school, the whole family can go on a visit and on a picnic. It is not necessary to single out a small one, stating that if it appeared, then the trip to the camp site is canceled, but if it were not, then ... This is unacceptable.

How to solve financial difficulties if you wanted a second child?

And again to the question of finance. Of course, this cup will not pass anyone. Having given the child to a kindergarten, and even more so to school, parents will inevitably face the issue of money injections into the organization in order to protect their child from the stigma "not like everyone else". But if the family has a trusting relationship and the parents' opinion for children is authoritative, then the problem is solvable.

All children's institutions necessarily provide benefits for large and poor families. In advance it is necessary to find out what the specific family relies on: free meals at school, compensation for payment for a kindergarten and an apartment, which will help to save. There is no possibility to have your own computer - you can unite with other same parents and perform tasks together. Buy a second-hand laptop, or even better - teach children to use undeservedly abandoned libraries.

And try to identify the child in a simple school, without the high-profile titles "gymnasium" or "lyceum", to establish a trusting relationship with the teachers and the management of the institution - this will keep a hand on the pulse of the happening without the student's humiliation.

In a word, there is always a way out if you want to. It remains only a question of whether it is worth the desire to have two children of such efforts and sacrifices. Perhaps it is better to have one baby?

If you stay on one kid ...

So do you need a second child? Now we will continue to understand this issue. If the family unequivocally decides that the second child will hinder the measured and cloudless flow of life, she should remember that this option will also require some effort. Yes, not financially, but who knows what is harder. It's about making sure that the only child in the family becomes selfish and a consumer of parental care, and that it's a sin to hide money.

It is necessary for such a child to impose certain duties on the house. He certainly must have some care to clean his own room, and better and parental as a help to my mother. The pope must involve the child in the performance of work for the common good of the family. Mom can also charge him some household chores: washing dishes, cleaning, going to the store and so on. Especially since the child is alone, and there is no one to share cares with anyone, and someone should help parents so that they can continue to provide that standard of living that allows the whole family to live that way.

In a word, difficulties will be in any case, with any decision. Only they will be of different kinds.

The second kid in adulthood

How to decide on a second child after 35 years? There are families who hold the opinion that the second kid should appear in the family as late as possible. But this also has certain difficulties. About the age of my mother is not worth talking about, this is an individual matter. It is said that pregnancy and childbirth later in life adds youth and strength. But it is necessary to think, before deciding on a second child after 35, that the son or daughter will be only 15 years old, when the mother will be already fifty. She will have, perhaps, not so progressive views on life, which will live a teenager. Therefore, it will be difficult for the native to find a common language (not necessarily, but it is likely). Although the current tendency to acquire children in adulthood can refute this idea.

Incomplete families: how to be in this case with the second baby?

It is even more difficult to decide the issue raised in the title of the article in the presence of an incomplete family. Of course, there are those who decided to give birth to a second child without a husband. There are even women who ventured into the third baby. But here, of course, it is worth weighing your own possibilities. If the financial situation allows, then why renounce the gift of fate? Perhaps there are grandmothers and grandfathers, ready for the happiness of their daughter to help with all their strength. You can rely on their participation and decide on a second child. After all children are always good, especially it is noticeable to old age. Psychologists say that many children, with proper education, are money on credit. Today, parents are invested in them, and after many years these investments will return in the amount that is a multiple of the offspring.

Advice

Many ladies say: "I can not decide on the second child, because ...", and then there is a list of reasons. But this is not a search for a solution at all, but a lack of determination and position. If the family plans to have several children, then all causes and problems are completely solvable for the sake of achieving the goal.

How to decide on a second child? In principle, the search for an answer is not the most important thing. It is important to understand whether you need this, are you ready to overcome the difficulties that will necessarily arise if a second child appears in your house.

Work ... To decide on the replenishment of the family to a busy mother is usually difficult. After all, not every boss wants to let an employee into a decree for three years, and even pay money for it. But if the decision is made, then no leadership can stop a woman in wanting to have children. Work is always there for a thinking person, even if he has a second child in the family. It can sometimes be very difficult to resolve. But you just need to really weigh your ambitions and opportunities. Of course, in the conditions of modern society, one should not neglect his demands. And if a concrete family can not really provide a second child, even if necessary, then it is unlikely that in such a situation it is possible to condemn your child to pre-planned difficulties and deprivations.

If the finances allow a second child to appear in the family, it is much easier to decide on replenishment.

A small conclusion

Desired children are, of course, always a joy. But do not forget that they deserve happiness. They need attention, care, love, do not forget about children's desires: toys, phone, fashionable clothes, sweets, trips to the amusement park and communication with peers. Therefore, the question "how to decide on the second child" should be discussed by the whole family, with the involvement of the older baby. Psychologists all over the world advise nevertheless to have several children. After all, it unites, unites the whole family, all generations, forces all its members to live with common problems and concerns. If the child grows alone, in the future he can become an egoist, and parents need to do their best to prevent this. In addition, a single baby will not be able to give such a fullness of sensations as a couple. Even mothers with two or more children argue that the appearance of the second gives rise to a completely different attitude to him, and to the first-born, and to the husband, and to the family, and even to life. Therefore, when thinking about how to decide on a second child, rely only on your feelings. Do not be afraid if you want to once again feel the joy of motherhood and paternity.