Incomplete family

According to the statistics of the two largest powers in the world (Russia and the USA), about 30% of children have been brought up in incomplete families in recent years. The reason for this are the divorce (separation) of parents, the initial lack of family relationships (birth outside of marriage), the death of the mother or father. An incomplete family is, of course, not a verdict. In such a family, a child can also grow healthy, and mentally balanced, and fully developed. But not always. Deviations still occur. And often enough.

In order for the child to grow up confident, without the emergence and development of all kinds of phobias, such a family is needed where attention to this child will be paid from the female side (maternal side), and from the male (paternal) - a complete family.

Psychology explains neurotic development, behavioral and pathocharacterological disorders primarily the lack of a full family in the child. An incomplete family is reflected in pre-school boys in capriciousness and hysteria, unreasonable stubbornness and even tics; Girls are more likely to have stammering. Nervousness at school age not only does not go away, but, on the contrary, increases. And behavioral disorders are more pronounced. This is due to the nervous breakdowns of the mother, the conflicts of the parents, not only before the divorce, but also for a long time afterwards. In addition, an adequate model of gender identity is extremely important for children, which an incomplete family can not give.

The initiator of parting is usually the female side (mother), unsatisfied in some cases by the excessive softness of her husband and his "inability to live," and in others by egocentrism and too rigid a manifestation of domination. Parental alcoholism plays a smaller role, oddly enough.

A common cause of hysterical neurosis of boys is in the absence of father influence and in the mild emotional responsiveness of the mother. Often this is also the result of interpersonal, previously unresolved, conflicts between the mother and her parents. Mother, as it were, transfers these relations to children, becoming for them one more source of negative psychological influence.

Sometimes there are "involuntary redirections" of the mother's negativity on the son, if he grows too much like his father. Especially if not only the external characteristics are inherited: "you are just stupid," "you can not do anything," etc. In other words, the mother gives an additional prescription for the inferiority of her own child. As a result - uncertainty, shyness or, on the contrary, aggression and uncontrollability.

In single-parent families, where the mother is engaged in upbringing, the relationship with the sons is more conflictual than with the daughters.

In broken families, the mother often returns to her parents' house again. Naturally, they support the daughter, feeling dislike for the former son-in-law. And, not even realizing, they create an additional pressure on the child that is detrimental to the psyche, openly expressing this dislike and reproaching the grandson in resemblance to the father, exacerbating children's experiences.

Sometimes mothers shift responsibility to doctors-psychotherapists, teachers and educators of round-the-clock groups of kindergartens and boarding schools. If children stay with their mother, the care for them is formally little different in comparison with caring for children in complete families, but the differences in control are significant. Girls have fewer restrictions than boys. And the pressure on them is much less. Stricter control in relation to sons is due to the desire to escape from the possible copying of paternal traits. Therefore, censures, threats and punishments are physical to boys more often. And, conversely, left alone with her daughter, her mother treats her more carefully and more gently. Partly because he sees in it the continuation of himself and, regretting his daughter, regrets to some extent and himself.

Separation of parents affects the girl more dramatically if she is attached to her father more than her mother. Reactive layers can worsen and the fear of losing a mother, i.e. Fear of loneliness and social isolation. Having lost their father, girls are more likely than boys to be afraid of letting go of their mother. They are afraid that my mother will not return one day or that something will happen to her. General fearfulness, common fears, which appeared at an early age, are increasing. Subsequently - diagnoses: a neurosis of fear, a hysterical neurosis. And in the future - the neurosis of an obsessive state: rituals from unhappiness, thoughts of disability, uncertainty, phobias.

At the youthful age , the depressive neurotic symptoms clearly sound: a reduced mood background, depression, a feeling of hopelessness, suspiciousness, constant fears, lack of faith in oneself, experiences due to apparent failures, stiffness in communicating with the opposite sex, fluctuations in decision-making.

An incomplete family is not really a verdict. Vision from within the relationship with the child, emerging after the collapse of the family, will help to avoid additional stresses and the development of various phobias. Do not forget the main thing: the child is not to blame for the fact that the relationship has not developed in adults. In an incomplete family, sympathy, support and participation are needed first and foremost to the child whose fate was decided without his knowledge and consent ...