How to ask the right question to a person? How to learn to ask the right questions?

The ability to communicate is very necessary in the modern world. "What's so complicated?" - you ask. We can speak from the time of the kindergarten. Indeed, all people talk, but beside some people are always a crowd that catches their every word, while others, trying to construct a verbal construction, get confused in the simplest phrases, which does not tune the interlocutors for long and fruitful communication.

Today we want to talk about how to ask the right question. This skill can be useful to you in any situation, during the interview and the conclusion of the transaction, at a meeting and at the presentation of a report, in any everyday conflict and a complicated conversation with a teenager. Reading on, you will understand that sometimes it is more difficult to ask than to answer. Moreover, if you know how to ask the right question, then you already know the answer to it and can calculate how the dialogue will unfold. That is, the one who asks questions, sets the direction of the conversation, structures and directs it in the right direction.

Why ask questions

Even the question mark itself reminds us of a fishing hook. And indeed, in any dialogue, the question is that hook with bait, which you can catch the interlocutor. If you know how to ask the right question, then you easily turn the conversation in any direction. However, this does not mean that questions are used exclusively for manipulative purposes. Not at all, in fact well formulated, it presupposes a sufficiently large number of possible alternatives. The question helps to get new information, opens the interlocutor to dialogue, directs the conversation and helps to clarify certain points.

But that's not all. Since asking the right question is not as easy as it seems at first glance, it remains a minority skill. It is these people who can easily translate the conversation into another topic, suggest the answer. The function of the issue is also the demonstration of their assessment, their opinion, adjustment of the interlocutor's emotions to a certain degree.

If we consider the process of mastering new knowledge, then the ability to formulate a question is a kind of measure of the depth of awareness of the received material. No wonder they say that only those who can think ask questions. That is, to ask questions, you need to very well navigate in this topic.

Developing the ability to ask questions

Talking about how to learn to ask the right questions, you involuntarily recall your school years. The first skills go from there, and often they are formed incorrectly. The standard form of education shapes the children's perception that there is only one right answer to any question. That is, the desire to think is killed, only memorization is used. In this situation, when asked a question to which there is no ready answer, is perceived as unpleasant. Although this situation is completely normal. Realizing that you do not know the answer to the question, and trying to find an answer to it, we are one step closer to learning how to ask the right questions. At the same time, the older a person, the more rigid his thinking becomes and the more difficult it will be for him to restructure himself into new skills, so he must learn to ask from early childhood. And the questions, in fact, are needed to better navigate the world around us. Therefore, if you have learned to ask them, you will be more successful than those who this skill has not been learned.

Where is it better to ask questions

In fact, it is difficult to describe any sphere of life that requires the development of this skill. On the one hand, you can do without it, and on the other hand, you will be more successful in any field, if you know how to ask the right questions. With any conversation, even personal, the questions that sound right will help:

• To show interest to the interlocutor, it is unimportant, to the professional side of his personality or to personal qualities.
• Ensure the availability of an understanding of their values for the interlocutor and discover his policies.
• Hold the initiative in the conduct of the conversation. This is the most important skill of a novice speaker or of any public figure. Questions will help to keep the conversation the right amount of time, change the subject, interrupt the interlocutor's monologue.
• Depending on your goals, the questions will help you acquire the right information, hint at a personal position, show confidence or be willing to give the right amount of time for a conversation.

In order to practice this skill, you should learn to conduct internal dialogues, as well as practice with external dialogues.

What is internal dialogue?

This is the first step that you need to go through if you want to know how to ask the right question to a person. It is the inner dialogue that will allow you to learn how to formulate thoughts. And one should not allow this process to go chaotically. He has a specific goal - a detailed analysis of a particular situation or problem. And there is a list of questions that apply to this. The first option includes the classic questions "what?", "Who?", "Where?", "When?", That is the description of the situation as a whole. The second group of questions allows us to consider each of the listed in more detail. They are related to aspects of facts and desires, feelings, time, obstacles and means. That is, questions should clarify these aspects within a given topic. They help in understanding and making decisions based on their needs, preferences and determining the influence of other people on the situation. It is so much easier to understand your inner world, organize an internal dialogue and receive intelligible answers.

Question words

To sharpen this skill and transfer it to an external dialogue, there is the following exercise. Since asking the right questions when communicating is not easy. We will learn from the very beginning. You need to come up with a certain topic, for example "Conflict". Now remember the various concepts associated with this topic, and write them down in the right field of the table (a sheet divided in half). It can be anger and unjustified expectations, misunderstandings and breaks in relationships, stress relieving and reconciliation. In the left part, question words are added (at least 10). Now you have to formulate as many questions as possible, which would combine the elements of both columns. Remember the situation of conflicts, the reasons for which you were not clear. After carrying out this work, you need to analyze the list, select a couple of questions, the most insightful, productive ones, and try to argue for yourself, based on what criteria was chosen.

Such different questions

Here you will need an interlocutor, where you can practice the ability to find the most appropriate question in this situation. The essence of the method is very simple. You need to decide on a topic that would be personally interesting to you. Now write for yourself a few questions about it, to which you can answer monosyllably "yes" or "no", as well as others that involve a detailed response. For example: "Have you heard about our company before?" "What do you know about our company?" Try to conduct a dialogue using these and other variants of questions, and compare the results.

Question to which there is no answer

This is another great game that perfectly trains the ability to ask the right questions. Remember the children's game "Buy words": how desperately they were searching for the right answer, bumping every time "everyone is talking, and you buy an elephant". In addition to endurance and patience, she develops the ability to find such a verbal construction that will successfully overcome a difficult situation. In the dialogue, we do not always ask questions, have to and answer. Therefore, the reverse skill is also very helpful.

"Chamomile questions"

Practice in the theory of asking questions can be done using this simple technique. You again need to choose for yourself an interesting topic, it can relate to the relationship in the team, the family or something else of your choice. Now before you are six petals, each of which will contain only one version of the questions:

• Practical issues. That is, the relationship between theory and practice ("Analyzing the situation, how would you do this place?")
• Simple questions. This is the usual refinement of facts, events, certain information.
• Evaluation questions. Everything is simple, it turns out, what is the difference, why is it good, and this is bad.
• Clarifying questions ("That is"; "If I understand you correctly ...")
• Interpretative issues.
• Creative questions ("What would have happened if this situation unfolded 2,000 years ago?")

Such activities will allow you to develop the skill of posing questions, but without practicing, in a dialogue, it will not be possible to develop a skill.

Start with yourself, or Prepare for dialogue

No wonder the professionals say: ask the right questions, get the right answers. However, it's easy to be a genius in an ordinary friendly conversation. In any other situation, it is unacceptable to appear unprepared at a meeting. You should have drafted questions in advance. And, starting the conversation, be sure to try to establish good relations with the person. Before asking the interlocutor about what interests you, it is worthwhile to show him how much he is interesting to you. For this, open-ended questions will perfectly suit you, in which you ask a person to tell a little about himself, about how he spent the day, how he got to the meeting, whether it is convenient for him now. As soon as the conversation goes into business, it will be possible to move on to pre-prepared questions. So you will provide yourself a psychological advantage.

Ability to ask open-ended questions

Talking about how to ask people correctly, it should be noted that usually it comes down to the ability to ask an open question (it involves a detailed answer). That is, you as an interviewer do not wait for a prepared answer, you want to hear the opinion of a person on a given topic. Already this itself has to talk with you, you thus show respect. If you need to know more facts about the situation, you can ask clarifying questions: "Who has to do with this?" It is very important to find out how the interlocutor relates to this situation. For this, be sure to ask: "What is your opinion?"

It is very important for a good interviewer to be able to keep a neutral position. Do not impose your opinion, although you can ask: "Have you considered this option?" Be sure to regularly ask your opponent what caused such a decision as he came to such a conclusion. That is, open-ended questions are a way to involve the interlocutor in a dialogue, withdraw it from a state of isolation and adjust it to a dialogue.

Ability to ask closed questions

It would seem that open-ended questions are ideal for conducting any interviews and interviews. However, there are times when they can not do. For example, to ask the right question to men in discussions, it is worth formulating it as clearly and concisely as possible in order to get the same answer. Business men, as a rule, do not like lengthy dialogues, they need a clearly structured dialogue. The better you prepare for it, the more successful it will be. In addition, open-ended questions always carry a danger that the interlocutor will lead the dialogue aside. Therefore, you need to be on the alert and closed questions (that is, those that presume an unambiguous answer or the answer is "yes" / "no") to return the interlocutor to the point. To do this, in your arsenal there are a number of questions "how?", "What?", "Who?", "Where?" And the like.

A theory without practice is useless, therefore, in order to really learn how to ask the right questions, you need to sharpen your skills daily, to analyze the course of the conversation and the result achieved. Do not be afraid of failure, it is also an invaluable experience, thanks to which you will understand what methods it is better not to use.