The main thing in friendship is the ability to forgive

It is believed that the main thing in friendship is the ability to forgive. Indeed, this is a very valuable quality. Is it possible to live a full and bright life if you keep in mind a lot of big and small grievances? People do not even know how quickly you can get rid of emotional wounds. The main thing is to leave the past in the past.

Why it is necessary to be able to forgive?

The ability to forgive is not only a way to keep friendship. This ability facilitates life, strengthens health and improves mood. If you throw aside all the beautiful words about human relationships, there remains a purely pragmatic side. So, long-term observations of psychologists allowed to conclude that people who conceal grievances are much more likely to feel sick and face diseases than those who act in diametrically opposite ways. Many may be skeptical about this, but there is an explanation for everything.

If you are unaccustomed to the ability to forgive, you will constantly think about your grievances. As a result, the brain will send additional impulses directed to the development of stress hormones to the endocrine system. This leads to increased blood pressure and increased muscle strain. Relentive people often have back pain and heart palpitations. Moreover, stress reduces immunity. Thus, you can be 1000 times right, not wanting to forgive the offender, but you suffer from it yourself.

The ability to forgive not only helps to avoid health problems, but also facilitates the process of communicating with others. Ignoring the irritants, some people easily make new acquaintances and surround themselves with friends. Psychologists call this an effective model of behavior. It involves protecting yourself from unpleasant thoughts and negative emotions.

What is forgiveness?

The ability to forgive is one of the main qualities of true friends and just wise people. To begin with, it is worth understanding what it means. It is not to tell the offender that he is forgiven. In this case, responsibility will be removed from him, and you will not get rid of the insult that is oppressing you. It is important to let go of negative thoughts, shielding yourself from negativity.

To begin with, it is worthwhile to understand that what happened is a past that can not be changed or erased. Thus, we need to try to change the attitude towards it. You must accept the fact that hatred and revenge are primarily destructive to you. Moreover, the revenge that has taken place sometimes does not bring satisfaction, but a remorse.

To forgive a friend is not to forget about his ugly act. It means to stop thinking about it, to concentrate attention. Forgive - it means to put yourself in the place of the offender and try to unravel his motivation, which will be the reason for the manifestation of compassion. Even if you deem an act inadmissible, forgiveness will help maintain a warm human relationship.

Why can not people forgive?

The main problem of the ability to forgive is that people do not want to part with their feelings of resentment. It does not always happen consciously. A person is hurt by certain words and deeds, stirring up a storm of negative emotions in him. This makes him unfree and even unhealthy. To break this vicious circle, it is important to allocate time to comprehend the situation by "analyzing" it in details. In addition, a person has such a feeling as pride. But are you so sinless? Perhaps, having found out the vices of other people, it will be easier for you to forget your grievances.

The main thing in friendship is the ability to understand and forgive

Friendship is, perhaps, one of the most beautiful and pure manifestations of human relationships. Nevertheless, even between the most faithful comrades, differences arise. Thus, the main thing in friendship is the ability to understand and forgive. This is important in such aspects:

• The ability to preserve, if not good, at least peaceful relations with the abuser;
• Preservation of health by protecting yourself from negative emotions;
• Self-improvement through self-control;
• Mechanism of self-defense, which makes a person less vulnerable to the blows of fate.

Forgive and preserve friendship

Ability to forgive resentment is a necessary quality, which helps to maintain good relations with people. Not always a quarrel is the end of friendship. It is worth saving if:

• A man has hurt you, being in a difficult situation. It is possible that he did it on emotions, not wanting to hurt you.
• This behavior is unusual for a person. It is impossible because of a momentary turbidity to break off strong relationships that have been building for many years.
• A friend offended you not from evil. It is possible that a person said or did something inappropriate, just without thinking. Think, maybe he did not have any bad intent.

Forgive and let go

The ability to forgive is the property of strong people. But this does not always mean maintaining the previous friendship. In some cases, it's better not just to forgive, but to let the person go:

• A person constantly tries to humiliate you to look better on your background. Even if you show generosity and forgive him, most likely, your relationship will continue in the same spirit. It is better to let such a friend go.
• A person has committed treason. For example, told someone your secret or set it up for work. Deciding on this, he hardly thought about your friendship. Of course, there is no need to conceal anger, but it is better not to maintain close relations.
• A person pursues a material gain by communicating with you. Having solved such a dirty trick, you will understand that friendship is not worth preserving.
• A person forgot about you, does not come into contact. Of course, it's insulting, but even the closest friends can not always be together, because everyone has a life. In addition, it can be a test of strength.
• If your friend has done something to you badly because of fear of incurring losses or spoiling relationships with some important people for him, release him. Not the fact that next time he will not do the same.

How to learn to forgive?

Is it important to be forgiving in a friendly relationship? Certainly. Even between the closest people there may be differences and misunderstandings. Imagine that you broke off all relationships with a friend, harboring resentment towards him, made new acquaintances. But will the following relationship be ideal? Hardly. Most likely, they will be accompanied by the same disagreements and quarrels. Thus, grievances will accumulate, destroying you from within. To avoid this, learn to forgive:

• Come to the realization that offenses are hindering you, that you want to get rid of them;
• Try not to see the offender for a while, so as not to stir up anger in yourself;
• If you do not know the motives of the act, do not try to fantasize about it;
• If the abuser tries to contact you to explain, give him that opportunity;
• Make a list of your shortcomings - it is possible that you have the same sins as your offender, and if you forgive him, you will forgive yourself.

Positive motivation

In friendship, the ability to forgive is very important. Arguments that support this assertion are as follows:

• Having freed yourself from offense, you will become an independent and invulnerable person;
• You can be charged with positive energy, giving a joyful mood to others;
• You will be easier to communicate with your current friends and build relationships with new ones;
• From your eyes the shroud will fall, which previously prevented you from adequately assessing the situation and people;
• You will learn to benefit from communication with friends, ignoring negative messages;
• You will be interesting to others, because people always want strong, wise and independent;
• You will get a chance to become a successful person, because negative thoughts will stop weighing you down and pulling you down.

Negative motivation

The ability to understand, forgive not inherent in all. Even realizing all the positive results of such an act, people can not let go of their grievances. Then a negative motivation comes to the rescue. So, if you continue to save grievances, the following will happen:

• The insult that you did not forgive, with time begins to increase, causing you to suffer;
• If you do not cope with one offense, you can not cope with others, and their experience, as practice shows, becomes more and more every year;
• Because of a strong emotional tension, you can bring yourself to nervous exhaustion or serious illness;
• Inability to forgive are constant conflicts, which threatens not only communication with friends, but also family life;
• Insult prevents you from enjoying life;
• The desire to take revenge can push you to ill-considered actions, of which you will regret.

Can not think? Write!

Losing friends is always unpleasant and sad, especially if these people are very close and dear to you. But you can not continue friendly relations, if you feel a sense of resentment from the inside. To eradicate it, you need to take time to self-analysis. But not all people are given the opportunity to immerse themselves in, deeply rethinking what is happening. If you relate yourself to this category, express all your experiences in writing.

Imagine that you have to draw up a report in which you must prove to the reader (in this case - to yourself) that your grievance is really justified. Give answers to such questions:

• What exactly are you offended?
• What detail did you get the most from?
• Do you yourself have the same negative qualities?

Strangely enough, many people are "cut off" at this very moment. By deducing oneself to frankness, a person begins to understand that there are no significant reasons for resentment, and if they do exist, you must determine the reasons that led to the conflict situation. Perhaps you created it yourself. Or maybe it's some sign of fate.

And, of course, do not forget to develop an "anti-crisis plan":

• How will you treat such situations from now on?
• What positive experience can you draw?
• How will you stand your relationship with the abuser?

Some more useful tips

It is difficult to build a strong friendship, but it is possible to destroy it with one carelessly said word. And the offender is not always responsible for the rupture of relations. Sometimes the inability to forgive causes more harm. If you want to get rid of this negative trait, take on board some more useful tips:

• Do not treat forgiveness as a manifestation of weakness. This ability is inherent only to wise and strong people.
• Perceive quarrels and resentments as a lesson of fate. After analyzing the situation, you will certainly find in it some sense, the realization of which will protect you from serious mistakes in the future.
• Resentment is inaction. And you must constantly develop and work on yourself. In addition, if you see in yourself the power and wisdom to adequately teach a person (not to be confused with revenge), you also direct him to the true path.
• Look at everything with a sense of humor. If in this situation you find the slightest reason for laughter, then everything is not so bad.

Ability to forgive: examples from life

There are no ideal relations between people. Even the most loyal friends sometimes quarrel. If you have not yet understood the role played by the ability to forgive, examples from real life will help you in this.

Imagine a situation when schoolmates quarreled. Inability or unwillingness to forgive led to the fact that each of them lost a loved one with whom you can share both joys and troubles. When the offender has a misfortune, the second, despite his spiritual impulses, driven by the desire to take revenge, did not come to his rescue. As a result, the oppressive resentment was replaced by the tortures of conscience, and it is much more terrible to fight with them.

The second example can be cited from the plane of family life, which also often begins with friendship. So, after long deliberation the wife forgave the unfaithful husband. As a result, they lived together a long and happy life, raising beautiful children. And imagine that it would be if the wife went on the principle? At best, they could build new families. But a sense of resentment would eat them all their lives.

Conclusion

Sometimes the closest friends become blood enemies. But is there always sufficient reason for this? Inability to forgive - this is one of the biggest vices with which you need to fight. Before you break off friendly relations, think, does the resentment outweigh all those positive moments that you had to experience together?