How to deal with the ex-girlfriend? Former love: advice of a psychologist

People meet, fall in love, but sometimes the romantic relationship of a guy and a girl is coming to an end. So they decided that they do not fit together. You can say a lot of nastiness, but you can disperse amicably. Many guys wonder: how then to behave with the ex-girlfriend? After the break, there are several options for the development of your relationship. This article is intended for guys, men who do not know how to deal with a former girlfriend.

With a former girl you can be friends

"Let's remain friends!" - you can often hear from the lips of a guy or a girl who have come to part. Your relationship has come to naught, but former love has managed to become a native person, who does not want to lose. She knows you well, and you're used to sharing her secrets or asking her for advice. Is not this the relationship of friends? So many people think. But this is just the most peaceful version of parting, usually asking to remain friends out of courtesy, so as not to offend another person. It will most likely not be friendship, you will remain ordinary acquaintances. Although even after the most violent parting with screams and quarrels you will still remain familiar, whatever one may say.

Therefore, it is important to understand two things. The first is what is the friendship between a man and a woman? Second - why do you need it? It is worth to answer honestly these questions.

Friendship between a man and a woman means that you will continue to share secrets, joys, ask and give advice. It seems to be a good deal, but only at first glance. Also, if a former girl is getting married, she will have to be happy for her. Are you ready for this? It is worthwhile to think carefully, to weigh all the pros and cons of such friendship. After all, there are dirty tricks here.

Why not stay friends with a former girlfriend?

A man and a woman who was in a relationship should not remain friends, if only because they simply can not get it. After all, people very rarely disperse without hatred, claims to each other or without the desire to start their joint novel anew. Probably, someone will want to return a relationship. But is it worth it? Is it true? Probably no. Usually such a desire arises only at the first time after parting. It will take months, weeks or even a few days, and it will fade, especially if a replacement for the former one appears.

Also, do not stay friends, because your new half might not like the fact that you and your ex-woman are still in touch. If the new passion is jealous, she may think that you are still twisting the novel. In general, if you still decided to keep friendship, it is better to be honest in the new relationship and immediately tell you that you are communicating well with your old girlfriend. It is not worth mentioning the details of the relationship, but to say that she already has a new young man - it will be good. So the new girl will be calm for the safety of your relationship and will not become jealous of the former. Perhaps it will not. But in any case, it will be better for her to learn this from you than from someone else who will just think that you meet two girls at the same time.

What not to do in friendship with the ex-girlfriend?

1. The first main rule - never call the ex-girlfriend a diminutive pet name or sweet nicknames like "bunny", "pussy", "sunshine" and so on. Such treatment on your part your former love will perceive as something more than just friendship. Also, do not write or call her too often, once a week will be enough to maintain friendly relations.

2. The second main rule - never drink with the ex-girlfriend together. Keep to this point at least the first time, when your feelings have not completely died out. You know what leads to alcohol.

3. Do not engage in farewell sex with a former girlfriend. Before the beginning of friendship, he will be inappropriate. This means that you are not yet ready to break off relations with this person as a woman, hence, no friendship can be mentioned.

4. Do not say such expressions: "I do not deserve you", "You're good", "Find yourself another, you'll be better off with him." Do not ever say that. But then how to be? With a former girl you need to talk differently. Otherwise, she will simply think that you are blaming her for the entire termination of your relationship. And friends can not do this.

How to remain friends with a former girlfriend?

If parting was your initiative, then find out for your still current girl (if you, of course, have not yet parted with her), how she relates to friendship between a man and a woman after a break in their relationship, in which cases she considers it acceptable. Directly about this you do not need to ask. Ask her questions indirectly. What does it mean?

You can find a film in which the heroes parted, but kept friendly relations. For example, this is the series "The Big Bang Theory." Look at the girl with the film, and then ask her how it relates to this outcome of the events. There is another option. Tell us about your friends (it is possible about fictitious acquaintances) that they parted some time later, but continue to be friends. Feel the soil, and you will see how to proceed further and how to deal with the former girl.

There is another option that both partners want to end the relationship, but they can not decide to tell each other about it. This, of course, is an ideal alignment. With him, there are very high chances that you will remain friends right after the breakup, as soon as you clarify all the nuances. But we must still be able to feel this moment and tactfully express our feelings.

The former girl as an alternate aerodrome

This option is not suitable for honest men, because you have to deceive the former girl. What is the meaning of this strategy, probably, no one needs to explain. Relations are maintained so as not to be lonely, until someone on the horizon meets someone better for the role of a beloved wife. A former woman, as it were, should be on a short leash, even if she already has a new man. Cruel, is not it? This strategy really works, no special tricks are needed here, everything is extremely simple, although it seems doubtful.

How to keep the girl as a backup option?

To any girl, not only the former, has become a staging post, you need to do everything exactly the opposite of the first strategy. So she will think that you still have any feelings for her.

1. More often remind your ex-girlfriend about yourself. Not only calls or messages, but also go somewhere together, for example, to walk or go to the movies. A direct hit will be if you invite her to go to a place that is special for you. For example, it could be a night club in which you first met. Do not forget to call the girl affectionate nicknames. Even if she was the initiator of the break in relations, she would still think about the correctness of her decision. Especially if you devote poetry to an ex-girlfriend. It does not matter if you write them yourself or copy them from the Internet, it will be appreciated.

2. From time to time, meet with the ex-girlfriend on your territory. You can invite her to your home to watch a movie alone or to a party where there will be friends and spirits. We all know what leads to alcohol - to sex. And this is what you need to maintain a relationship. Intimate communication does not allow women to forget the time when you were together. After several such meetings, the time will come when the ex-girlfriend will be the first to remind oneself. If you suddenly call the ex-girlfriend, do not hesitate to take the phone, maybe she has for you an interesting proposal, there is no need to buy yourself a price.

3. Congratulate the ex-girlfriend on your memorable dates. Of course, you do not have to remember them, but in conversation you can get any information. As if accidentally ponostalgiruyu: "And remember, once we are with you ..." - and she will most likely say when it was. Usually girls remember dates. Then you can save to your phone a reminder of this wonderful event, and then offer to mark it somewhere. The result will be, as they say, obvious.

4. Say that you could have a great couple. Remember your quarrels, because of what you quarreled. On occasion, tell the ex-girlfriend that if it were not for them, everything would be fine for you. This technique with the particle "would" gives hope that you can still correct the mistakes of the past and start the relationship anew.

What not to do if the former girl is an alternate aerodrome?

1. Do not lie that you have no one, if you are already meeting a new woman. Otherwise it will come to you sideways. For example, you are walking with your new lover, and suddenly met the ex-girlfriend. An awkward situation, is not it? In the best case, you will lose only the ex-girlfriend. In the worst - you will not have a relationship with any of them, if the former girl tells you about your new adventures. And some girls - they are, yes.

On the contrary, if you are honest and do not hide the appearance of a new friend, you will only benefit from this. First, the former girl will be jealous. Especially if you tell me what a good new lover you have. Secondly, you can hint to an ex-girlfriend that your relationship was beautiful. Let the former be aware of your new relationship, tell them how you spend time together, but say that everything was wrong and you miss those times when you were together.

2. Do not get acquainted with the new girl. The consequences can be very different. Your ex-girlfriend might think that you are just friends, since you are acquainting her with her. Sometimes there are comic situations. Girls will talk and unite against you, and you will be left with nothing.

Only an intimate relationship with a former girlfriend

"And why not offer to meet for sex?" - you think. This option is quite right for life, if, of course, the former girl from you do not need anything else. Many men dream of such a relationship. But they will not last very long.

Only sex with a former girl: why not an option?

Whatever the girl may say, but sooner or later she will not have enough of one intimate with you, she will begin to claim the role of your girlfriend or even your wife. And here it does not matter whether you discussed this moment with her or not. Such relations will eventually end, here is a matter of time. Maybe a few weeks or maybe several years. Nobody will give any guarantees.

How to achieve only sex with a former girlfriend?

You can directly offer one sex, but there is little chance that the ex-girlfriend will give a positive response. How to be? With the former girl act smarter. From time to time, invite her to parties, alcohol will do its job, and you will most likely end up in the same bed. Then tell her that you had a wonderful sex, but otherwise you do not fit each other. Her reaction will tell you how to proceed.

What not to do if the ex-girlfriend only sex?

Do not tell me about your new passion, even if the ex-girlfriend is aware that you are dating someone. The former girl, most likely, already doubts about your relationship, and you will only strengthen her hesitations on this matter, and she will decide to finish this relationship. Or she can start to be very jealous and will do anything to eliminate her rival. And she certainly will find the words for your new woman, how and what to write. The former girl will be hurt that she does not suit your role as a companion in life.

It's up to you how to deal with a former girlfriend: be friends with her, just have sex or not communicate at all.