Basics of conflictology: rules of behavior in conflicts

All people are different. Everyone has his own preferences, interests, principles and norms of morality, which people adhere to. Therefore, it is not surprising that at times people can not find a common language, and because of misunderstanding, conflict situations arise. They have different classification, but the rules of behavior in conflicts are universal, so they are effective in any case.

What is conflict?

Under the conflict it is customary to mean a situation in which two or more parties are involved, each of which adheres to its position incompatible with the interests of the other.

Conflict situations arise when the interests of individuals or groups are incompatible. And in each there are both positive and negative points. That is, constructive and destructive functions of the conflict. And the rules of conduct in a conflict situation determine the nature of the quarrel.

The phases of conflict

Each disagreement consists of three main stages:

1. Awareness. The participants in the conflict understand that they are defending different positions. Communication acquires a bipolar character, subjects start to argue for their points of view.
2. Strategy. The parties understand that they can not find agreement on a particular issue. The strategy and rules of behavior in conflicts here come to the rescue as possible solutions to the problem. Each subject chooses an acceptable behavior for him.
3. Act. The participants in the conflict choose the methods of action. Each of them depends on the ultimate goal of the participant. For example, actors may try to reach a compromise or remain each in their own way. This stage is considered to be the final one in the conflict.

How can you behave in a conflict?

The basic rules of behavior in conflicts consist of five strategies of behavior:

1. Adapt. According to this method, one side of the quarrel is adjusted to another. That is, a person though has a different opinion on a certain issue, but he does not express it, fearing to spoil relations or be misunderstood.
2. To avoid. Perhaps, among the list that contains rules of behavior in conflicts, this is the most common method. The participants of the misunderstanding leave the conflict situation, letting things go by themselves or pretending that nothing has happened.
3. To find a compromise. A compromise is a decision that will be acceptable to both parties, since it will satisfy their interests to some extent.
4. Rival. The conflict subjects take active positions and try to prove their opinion to the other side, opposing a different opinion.
5. Cooperate. With this decision, the parties find a method that will help achieve the goals of both sides. For example, achieving the goals of one of the participants in the quarrel will help the other to realize their intentions, so he assists the opponent.

Rules of behavior in conflicts: recommendations of psychologists

Despite the fact that conflictology is an independent discipline that considers the situation at the scientific level, there is a human factor in the development of any confrontation. Therefore, rules of conduct in conflict situations are often developed by psychologists, whose competence is to take this into account. Recommendations of specialists are as follows:

• Opportunity to speak out. Most conflicts arise for two reasons - a person is too tense and irritated to listen to another, or can not express his point of view. In any case, in order to solve the problem, you need to speak out, lower the steam, listen to the other side and deliver your position.
• To level aggression. Every person wants to be considered with his opinion, and if this does not happen, many become angry and irritated. It is likely that the opponent will begin to show aggression. In this case, it is necessary to bring down the attack by non-standard and unexpected methods. For example, you can ask about something that does not concern the subject of the conflict. And you can ask for advice - how, in his opinion, you can resolve the conflict situation. The main thing is to shift attention to positive emotions.
• No "reciprocity". Rules of conduct in conflicts often insist that it is impossible to respond to aggression by aggression. It is better to ask the opponent to tell what he wants to get in the end. After all, the main thing is the result, and people often see the problem, fixate on their emotions about it.
• Respect. You can not say that the opponent is doing wrong. It's better to say about your feelings. For example, the impulsive: "You betrayed me!" - replaced by surprise: "I feel that I was betrayed." Do not insult the opponent and ignore his words.
• Without proof. In conflicts it is rarely possible to prove anything. It is better to pay attention to the words of the other side, asking simple questions about its position. With a partner should be on an equal footing, talk calmly and confidently, then the opponent will calm his aggression.
• Apology. The best way to discourage an inflated opponent is to apologize. But this is only if the feeling and awareness of their own guilt is present.
• Save the relationship. Regardless of how the dispute is resolved, it's better to say directly that in a certain situation it caused a negative reaction and why. Politeness and sincerity are the main components for resolving conflicts. This is better than understatement, which subsequently leads to a break in relations.

What mistakes does the conflicting person allow?

Very often in conflicts, people rely on their own emotions, rather than on common sense. That is why it is difficult to find a solution acceptable to both sides. The most common mistakes are that a person acts selfishly and acts under the influence of emotions. He does not want to solve the problem, but defends only his own opinion, because of which it is difficult to find a compromise. The participant in the conflict does not want to take into account that there are many ways to solve, but acts only within the established norms or traditions. It also happens that a person basically does not want to solve a problem - he either agrees with everyone, or switches to another topic, ignoring important questions.

Conflict is good

People have different ways of dealing with conflict. Someone prefers not to interfere and keep their opinions to themselves, but do not feed anyone with bread, just give a quarrel and prove your rightness. But every conflict and its successful solution is an opportunity to grow over oneself, to achieve twice as much as it was possible before. Therefore, there are rules of conduct in conflicts, so that each person has the opportunity to constructively uphold their priorities.