Liberation from codependence on the road to freedom

When it comes to dependence, most often we have images of people suffering from so-called chemical addiction (addiction to alcohol, drugs, tobacco smoking). In addition to this, we attribute excessive computer enthusiasm (games, social networks) and gambling to addiction.

However, there is still codependence, which differs from other types of dependence in that in this process at least two people participate. And liberation from codependence can lead to the resolution of many other problems, be it the use of psychoactive substances or "living" in a social network.

You need to know what to fight with

To free yourself from co-dependency, you must first of all understand what it is and how dangerous it is. There is a rather long list of characteristics of a co-dependent person, we list some of them:

• A co-dependent person feels good when others approve him;
• Experiencing a sense of guilt for others' problems;
• Afraid to be rejected;
• Divides the whole world into "black" and "white";
• Undeservedly idealizes those around and takes offense at them because they do not justify his expectations;
• Can not distinguish his thoughts and feelings from the thoughts and feelings of others.

This list can be continued, but all these characteristics reflect the erasure of the boundaries of the individual, an unconscious type of thinking.

Is recovery possible or not?

The traditional medical approach answers this question negatively, citing the impossibility of confronting the biological and hereditary factors involved in the formation of dependent behavior.

However, according to Berry and Janey Wainhold, liberation from codependence is first and foremost a release from unfinished, unresolved problems in the early childhood of the client. Each person undergoes a number of important stages in the course of his development. All stages associated with the transition of a person from one stage to another, must be completed in an acceptable way, otherwise there is a risk of developing deviant behavior.

Probably, at some point in the history of the client, borders were broken or an event occurred, the recollection and working out of which would allow reliving the liberation. From co-dependency, we are sometimes separated by several steps, and it is important to be especially careful when raising children.

The main thing is freedom

In his book "Emancipation from codependence" by Berry Wainhold Focuses on the concept of freedom as a qualitative characteristic of the individual. Freedom presupposes a certain state that can not be achieved, focusing only on external stimuli. However, freedom does not mean impunity and permissiveness. First of all, it is important to understand what we want to be free from.

Emancipation from codependency involves first of all an appeal of the inner gaze to one's own self, to an awareness of the causes that cause our behavior.

Ways to recovery

More often, liberation from the trap of codependence is carried out in two ways:

1. By focusing on codependence as a disease, as a foreign object, with which to fight.

2. By building new relationships with close people.

But there is also the third way to which the book "Liberation from codependence" is devoted. This approach is based on the fact that codependence is not an incurable disease, but quite successfully amenable to correction.

The potential of the individual on the road to freedom

A co-dependent relationship empties a person, since they lead to the erasure of the boundaries of the individual, to a partial loss of self and dissolution in the other. Work aimed at developing one's personal potential, to realize oneself as a whole, leads to the strengthening of the boundaries of one's self.

In order to get rid of the painful codependency, today the most effective is the 12-step program, which includes a step-by-step study of the problem of co-dependent relationships. In the course of work on this program, a person learns to take responsibility for his life and, as a result, becomes a more mature person.

Co-dependency and society

However, the release from dependence is complicated by the fact that modern society is not interested in the development of an individual. Cohesion, team spirit is good. But, on the other hand, a society built on codependence is a herd effect, blurring the boundaries of its "I", its lack of opinion and, as a consequence, exposure to the influence of someone else's point of view.

Nevertheless, man is a social being and can not live apart from others. In the struggle for liberation from co-dependency, other people can provide invaluable support and help. In particular, getting rid of co-dependency of married couples is much faster, more efficient and painless, if carried out immediately for both spouses. Visiting the various support groups will also accelerate the recovery process through the positive influence of other people with the same problems. And, finally, reading the motivating literature about successful release will give the necessary resources for personal change.

Codependency Prevention

The simplest thing we can do to protect our child from co-dependent relationships in the future is to have a strong connection with him from the earliest childhood, but at the same time respect his boundaries. For this it is important to understand that a child is a person who has the right to own emotions and feelings. When we forbid something to a little person more often than we allow, he can stop believing in himself and rely only on someone else's, "competent" opinion.