The husband with friends drinks, walks - what to do? Psychology of family relations

The husband comes late, meets friends and completely forgot about the family? Such problems often torment women. How to understand the reasons for this behavior and what to do, the article will tell.

The husband is walking with friends: the reasons

To get rid of the problem, you should first find out its causes. If the husband wants to spend a lot of time with his friends, do not panic and even more blame him or comrades in this. Often the reason lies in family relationships or is a reaction to the ongoing changes in the way of life of spouses.

1. Protective reaction from problems. What does a person expect when coming home? Of course, rest, warmth and comfort. In this quiet harbor you want to relax after a hard day, get support. If the person coming home meets conflicts, problems and aggressive attitude, the adequate reaction will be the desire to leave, to abstract. Blame for this man does not make sense, because his nature, like all people, has a normal response to any kind of stress - "hit or run." If there is no physical resistance to the irritating situation (there is no violence in the family), it remains to move away from the object of stress. A male company or computer games comes to the rescue.
2. It is also impossible to exclude the identity of the husband. Sometimes the reason for a constant pastime in the company of friends may be some kind of inertia - the continuation of the behavior that was customary before marriage. This happens if the man was not psychologically ready for marriage or very young. It is difficult for him to switch from the role of a bachelor to an exemplary family man.
3. Lack of common interests and topics for communication with spouses. Unfortunately, such a reason is quite common. It happens that the husband and wife are simply not interested in each other's company. For example, he has little understanding in music, and she absolutely does not want to hear about the engines of the car. In these cases, people are naturally looking for a "club of interests", where you can share important things for yourself.
4. Family crisis. Nobody canceled the natural periods in the life of each family, when feelings cool down, romance ends, and a new stage of relations has not yet been formed. Consequences in this case often become male hobbies, not related to the house and wife.
5. Unwillingness to engage in family life. Very often, the cause of conflicts between wife and husband can be a male company, which simply takes a man from the circle of the family. Many representatives of the stronger sex are not attracted to the prospect of repair, take out the garbage and vacuum on the weekend. It is much more interesting to devote this time to your hobbies. But does this mean that the wife must bear the whole burden of domestic affairs? Not at all. What to do in such cases - we read further.

Why friends, if I am?

The common opinion of many women boils down to the following: why should a husband spend time with other people if his wife can also form a company in some occupation, talk or support? It makes sense. Especially if a woman is really a "universal soldier," with whom you can fish, bowling, and repair a car. But why should a person have only one friend, even such a diverse one?

In this case, it is worth reviewing your own position and attitude. Is it important for a woman to spend all her free time with her husband? Do they have their own interests and friends that you can meet? After all, to replace the whole world with a man, especially if he does not need it, is to add stress to his own life. First, it limits the living space. Secondly, adds torment, if a man does not appreciate it.

If the husband meets friends periodically, and there are no other problems in the family life, it opens up the opportunity for a woman to engage in herself - appearance, hobbies, communication with girlfriends. The fact that it gives pleasure. And the mood raised after that can be shared with a man and only to establish relations with him.

If a friend is more important

The offense of a woman (and deserved) can cause a clear preference for a man of her friends. While this applies not only to leisure, but also to help or support. For example, to take his wife home from a supermarket, he should be persuaded, and pick up a friend from the club - just one call. The indignation of a woman in this case is understandable.

This situation is worth negotiating. And only in a confidential atmosphere, as much as possible excluding from the dialogue all possible charges towards the spouse. The reverse reaction can also cause a clear opposition of the family as the most important sphere of life and friendship - "unnecessary and meaningless". Most likely, such words will cause a man only protest. Dialogue should be reduced to the channel of own experiences - to show that such behavior is unpleasant and insulting, to ask to take into account the interests of the family and plan your time so as not to cause damage to any of the spheres of life. After all, sometimes a man just does not know that this offends his wife, and hints in the form of scandals and hysterics perceive as manifestations of her bad character.

Tired of seeing them at home!

No less often than the absence of the faithful, women are beset by such masculine passions as meetings in the house. A wife can be annoyed not only by the presence of strangers, but also the need to perform the role of hostess: prepare a treat, clean the house after gatherings and so on.

In this case, reproaches and claims will not exactly help. They will only aggravate the situation and alienate the couple. Here again a calm conversation is important: to explain to your husband that you sometimes want to rest at home, and this is difficult in the presence of his friends, and try to find a compromise. For example, ask him to meet with friends in other places. And if they are going to still in this house, then they themselves are responsible for the related household functions.

The husband in the company abused alcohol

If the husband drinks with friends, and systematically, you need to understand the causes of this phenomenon:

1. Suspicions of alcoholism. Many men do not attach much importance to periodic drinking with friends, not counting this as a problem. A woman needs to understand if the problem really exists. If at the same time a large part of the family budget is spent on such festivities, health deteriorates and the psychological climate in the family suffers , it is necessary to solve the problem with dependence. Start with a conversation "heart to heart", express your concerns and find out why her husband does it. Then draw up a plan for professional rehabilitation.
2. Avoiding problems at home. How comfortable is the communication between spouses? How is the father's relationship with children? Eliminating the family conflicts, you can solve the problem and forget the male passion for alcohol, like a terrible dream.
3. If sitting in bars with friends is the only alternative to free time, it's worth thinking about family leisure. If the spouses have common interests, it is worth trying different ways of cultural rest together, then there will simply not be time to meet with friends for beer.

How to check if the husband is changing?

Very often the excitement of the wife is connected not only with the absence of the husband of the house, but also with the reasons behind it. Treason is the most common suspicion.

Before you look for ways how to check if the husband is changing, you need to give yourself answers to some questions. First, is there a reason (cooling in relations, conflicts)? Secondly, is there an obvious reason to think so? In itself, the absence of a man at home does not speak of treason. But, say, lipstick on a shirt is a more obvious sign.

In such a delicate situation it is very easy to get confused. So, in order.

1. Are there causes of betrayal and signs of it? Put aside the panic! Self-control in this matter is the most difficult, but at the same time the most effective rule. You can make decisions only with a cold head. First of all, decide for yourself, what do you most want: to maintain a relationship or break them? Depending on this, plan further actions.
2. To understand if the husband is changing, you can indefinitely harry yourself with suspicions, hiccup them for confirmation, go to fortune tellers, etc., down to nervous exhaustion. And you can talk to him openly about your worries. And again, in a calm manner. Tell why it worries and give him the opportunity to speak. In a confidential dialogue it is possible to understand whether a person is lying (looks away, tries to translate a topic, unreasonably blames in response or starts to get very nervous). A husband who has nothing to hide in an open communication is easier to explain and reassure his wife if she is mistaken. Or say directly about treason.
3. Another option for women who have decided not to break the relationship. If there are suspicions of treason, you can turn the situation in your favor. Simply become that woman, who does not want to leave. To put in order the appearance and mood - this is usually enough. Adopt the fact that in all the disorders in the family are always to blame for both. And start building life with yourself. If a man continues to change, a woman will still have her beautiful appearance and self-adjustment with which to build a new relationship - a matter of time.

What can a woman do?

A woman can do many things in such situations, if not all. In any case, it begins with identifying the problem and the reasons why the husband does not want to go home. For this you need to ask yourself a number of questions:

• What are the relationships in the family?
• How do we communicate?
• Do we have common interests?
• How interesting am I as an individual?
• What do friends give to her husband?
• Why does it bother me?
• Can I help him deal with problems better than friends?

If most of the questions were answered, depending on this, and should plan the tactics of their behavior. The following simple recommendations will help in this.

Seek a compromise

If the husband and his friends spend more time just because he does not know how to allocate time, it's important to discuss this with him.

Ultimatums, blackmail and restriction of liberty will not help. It is important to explain to the man that the wife accepts his desire to spend time with friends. Moreover, supports this. But it would be even better if he had time for his relatives. Show that the family needs the active participation of the head in her life. A man will rather accept this point of view if he really feels his importance and necessity.

Find common interests and plan family fun

Again, this should be done softly and without mandarinous intonations of the type: "So, today we go to the skating rink, and without questions!"

It is important to learn to hear each other, to accept the interests of everyone and draw a conclusion: what of all this we can carry out together? And is it so important for a wife to go on hating her fishing only in order to limit her husband's communication with friends?

An important moment in the pastime can be family traditions. Rituals that people exercise together bring them very close. You can choose a specific day of the week and an activity that will bring joy to both.

Another thing - how to talk with her husband about household duties? Straight and open. Instead of accusations of lack of help, it is necessary to explain that one is difficult to cope with all the chores around the house. And the strength and skill of a partner would be very useful. Many psychologists recommend that couples simply share their responsibilities.

Make friends with the "enemy"

Wise women know that it is important to be friends with rivals. At least keep them at close range. Why not apply this tactic to your husband's friends? To join the company is unobtrusive, based on common interests and with the consent of the spouse. Most men appreciate very much when their woman gets along well with friends. It is very important that the wife understand that friends are an integral part of a person's life. They do not always "take" him from the family, but they are also able to give a resource, emotionally nourish life.

Besides, it is quite possible that suddenly it will turn out that these people are quite pleasant and interesting personalities, with whom they themselves want to spend time?

Correction of family communication

From this, perhaps, it is worth starting. If the husband and his friends spend the lion's share of time, you need to exclude the factor of the negative atmosphere at home. It is necessary to look critically at yourself: how often conflicts occur, with what mood they meet their husbands, how often the couple discuss something other than problems.

It should be realized that no one wants to come to a house where they are always dissatisfied, constantly show their fatigue, burden and sacrifice. The latter is very often manifested in phrases like: "I'm everything to you, and you ..." To exclude from the lexicon is better and "you should." A problematic and quarrelsome spouse, no matter how cruel it may sound, is not needed. From this, any husband will escape: with friends spending time more fun!

Of course, no one is iron, and everyone wants to splash out their negative. But do it better not on a loved one. Self-education and self-improvement is a pledge not only for one's own comfort, an opportunity to take free time, but also a way to always remain interesting for your husband, which you want to come to. Find a lesson for yourself, develop, improve. It works!

And finally - freedom. Everyone knows the truth that you want more than what is forbidden. That is why it is important to learn not to bind yourself and the man with vigilant control. Freedom is not permissiveness. This is an opportunity to choose. And, most likely, the choice will be in favor of the one who provides this opportunity.