It is impossible to state with certainty when exactly the concept of love was formed. Ancient philosophers and thinkers thought about it. It is difficult to imagine without it the modern world. There are many shades and kinds of this feeling. They are difficult to define and explain. And yet we will try with the help of qualified psychologists to understand how to distinguish love from attachment.
Evolution of love
At first glance it seems that every story of human relationships is unique and unique. This is not entirely true. Love or love always begins with sympathy. A person selects from the surrounding crowd someone who seems to him the most interesting and attractive. At the very beginning of communication, the object of sympathy seems more attractive to us every day. Sometimes even a few days after the meeting comes the certainty that this is the very second half. Such feelings are nothing but love. With complete reciprocity and regular communication, a love relationship begins. Gradually, lovers take off their rose-colored glasses and begin to discover the partner's shortcomings. A significant part of romanticism and passion from relationships also disappears. Comparing the beginning of the novel and its middle, it's hard to resist disappointment. How to distinguish love from attachment and understand whether it is worth trying to maintain a relationship?
Express test of love and habit
In your spare time, being alone, ask yourself a couple of questions and try to honestly answer them. You can even write down all your thoughts. This exercise is advised to its clients by many practicing psychologists. Question one: what do you like about your partner? Enumeration of some features of appearance, social status or individual qualities of character - a direct hint that you are affectionate. A person who truly loves, will answer that he appreciates the personality of the partner, realizing all its strengths and weaknesses. Try to assess how these relationships have affected your life. If you are not interested in anything other than a partner, and all other people are "neglected" by you, the speech is most likely about attachment. Love is a feeling that preserves and develops personality. Loving people retain their own interests. Such a union is full, each of its participants can have their own friends and hobbies. Now you know how to distinguish love from attachment. The test given above can be slightly simplified. Think about how you often talk about yourself and your partner. "We", "our", "us" are words of true love. "I" and "he" - a bright sign of habit or affection.
Five signs of true love
Still think how to distinguish love from attachment to man? Remember the five main signs that characterize a deep feeling. The first of these is the constant thoughts about your loved one. During love or affection, we also often think about who we feel this feeling to. Most often these are dreams about a joint future and memories of the moments together. Love is characterized by a somewhat different character. A person who loves never forgets that he is not alone. We warn our loved ones if we are delayed; We are worried when they are late, we are bored during separation. A good way how to distinguish love from attachment is to analyze the quality of communication with your loved one. If the feeling is real and deep, you can talk to each other for hours and on any topic. Folk wisdom says that love is the desire to make a loved one happy. And really, without this emotion to imagine this feeling is difficult. True love inspires. For the sake of a joint future and the happiness of your lover, you want to be better and achieve success. A loving person soberly evaluates his chosen one. The secret of love lies in the fact that, knowing all the shortcomings, we continue to love and accept the partner as he is.
Symptoms of Attachment
Many people ask themselves the question: "How to distinguish love from attachment?" The psychology of relationships gives the exact answer. Attachment is different from love pathological dependence on the object of sympathy. In relationships characterized by this feeling, there is always a side that "loves", and the second, "allowing to love oneself." Dependence is manifested in the desire to spend as much time as possible with the beloved and the desire to possess it alone. Very often in such relationships there is a hypertrophied feeling of jealousy. In this case, the dependent party can be very jealous of other people, including relatives, pets and even inanimate objects. Sometimes attachment becomes so strong that in the absence of "loved one" there is not only a depressed moral state, but also physical symptoms of malaise.
At first glance, it seems that it is love-addiction that can help build a strong and lasting relationship. But in fact, this is a big mistake. Attachment brings a lot of problems to each of the partners. The dependent is in constant psychological tension. He is sincerely upset every time when a partner is not around. Most often, when experiencing attachment, a person is aware of how dependent he is on his second half. Hence the fear grows that a partner can disappear from the life of an addict. The party that "allows itself to love," is not so easy in such relations. The main problem is too much attention from the partner. The dependent will call every hour, demand communication. Surely he will be offended if his loved one wishes to spend the weekend without him.
Love is respect and care
Love in many ways is like attachment and falling in love. And yet this feeling is special. No wonder it is called the highest and the present. Love never brings negative emotions and is built on pure disinterestedness. If you value and respect your partner for being good to you, it is about falling in love or affection. A loving person will take care of his second half. He really cares how the partner's day passed, and he is always ready to talk heartily, help in solving problems. Experiencing love, a person knows that his chosen one is not perfect. But, despite this, he respects him and will never allow himself to speak out about him disrespectfully.
Love does not love?
It is not easy to understand yourself, but it is realistic if you want. And how to distinguish love from affection in marriage and understand what your spouse feels about you? You can get an answer to this question by analyzing the behavior of your second half. The easiest way is to recognize affection from the partner. If the other half literally strangles you with your attention and wants to control every step you take, most likely there is no love. A simple way how to distinguish love from attachment in men: try to understand how jealous he is. Unfortunately, constant scandals and unfounded suspicions have nothing to do with love. High feelings allow partners to feel harmony. Loving people almost do not swear and always respect each other.
Can you love your partner after years of marriage?
Realizing that in marriage you do not experience love, but affection, it is difficult to keep from disappointment. How to act in this situation? Is it really necessary to file for divorce urgently? In fact, you can live for many years, experiencing only a feeling of affection for the partner. But there is an alternative option - to try to love him. Try to give more freedom to your chosen one. Take care of yourself, find interests outside the home and the wife. This does not mean that the value of your second half in your life will decrease. By leading an active lifestyle, you will become a more interesting person. Perhaps this will help you to spend more productive time and quality with your loved one. We hope that our article on how to distinguish love from attachment helped you to understand your own feelings and improve your life.