Often, arguing with close people, we hear reproaches in selfishness and the same charges we make ourselves - parents, children, husband, wife. During a quarrel, a person does not think about how much his words correspond to reality, mind is overwhelmed by emotions. And if you understand the problem on a cold, sober head?
The concept of egoism
The word comes from the Latin root of the ego, that is, the "I". Therefore, when a person considers himself better, more worthy than others - this is selfishness. If he requires more benefits, cares, attention, love, privileges - this behavior also indicates the presence of this feature in his character. The brother does not want to share candy with his sister, the husband does not want to help his wife around the house - this is also selfishness. From the school bench we know that his personification is Larra, the hero of Maxim Gorky's story "Old Woman Izergil." What did he deserve such an impartial reputation?
From Larry to Danko
Let's remember the classics! Larra, the son of an earthly woman and an eagle, the king of birds, was unusually handsome, proud to arrogance and believed that he could do everything: take the most beautiful girls of the tribe, steal cattle, keep the elders of the clan and kill fellow tribesmen if they did not want to recognize his superiority . It's selfishness, is not it? What did the people pay him for neglecting universal human laws? Not deprivation of life, no - exile! Even the earth itself did not want to accept it, death bypassed it. Larra was doomed to lonely immortality. At first, the hero was even pleased with this state of affairs: this egoism spoke in him. But centuries passed, and loneliness began to burden the Gorky character. However, with a man who does not want to have affairs, that's the truth! And the exact opposite of Larre is another handsome man, Danko. He loved people more than himself, more than his own life. And even a living heart pulled out of his breast for them. Both heroes embody in a concentrated form, in pure form altruism and selfishness - as two opposite forms of human consciousness.
Find the differences
What are they contradicting each other? To many! The egoist lives for himself, does something for himself. And even if it helps others, it is not disinterested. Personal benefit - that's what guides all his actions. This is an axiom, a reality, nothing can change it. Because altruism and selfishness are concepts antonymic. Self-sacrifice, recognition of the interests and rights of others, the desire to make something pleasant or useful to someone, but to the detriment of oneself - people like Danko, "with the sun in blood", are capable of this, as literary critics say about the hero.
From the Explanatory Dictionary to the Spaces of Life
It is best to understand what is egoism, synonyms for a word. First of all, this is narcissism (ie, self-love), self-love (almost the same thing) and self-interest. Psychologists often say that a modern person does not have enough love for himself. Do they call us to selfishness? By no means! We devote a lot of time to work, to solving everyday or short-term problems, we shoulder the family burden, and for all this we just do not have time to do something good for ourselves. And then we complain about health, moral fatigue, lack of positive in life. What is the conclusion from this? To love yourself is not always a bad thing. The main thing is that it does not take hypertrophied forms! But self-interest is a phenomenon of another plan, and it must be overcome in oneself. Although this is a controversial issue!
Two-edged sword
What is the main problem of egoism that we face in everyday life? In the duality of his nature. When will we consider the other to be self-loving? If this "other" refuses to share with us their assets - personal time, feelings and emotions, knowledge, money, etc. The legitimate question: when someone sacrifices their own goods, he gives, so to speak, what is he guided by? Psychologists believe that the desire to please, make a favorable impression. And sometimes the donor himself (the donor) does not give himself an account of this. It turns out that the main motivation for good deeds, by and large, is the desire to look better in the eyes of others than you really are? If, however, the "attraction of unheard-of generosity" is not shown, it means that we did not promote it, did not cause corresponding desires. That is, not only the "egoist" is bad, but we are not angels either? Agree with such a position of the average person is difficult, because in the depths of his soul everyone considers himself "quite good". And this feeling is one of the manifestations of narcissism! Solid dialectics!
"I" + "I" or "We"
How does selfishness manifest itself in the relationship between a man and a woman? The question is very interesting. In a nutshell, the answer can be formulated thus: "You live for me, and I too will live for myself". Namely: the desire to enjoy everything that the partner can give, and the unwillingness to respond to him the same. At all levels of the joint being of such a couple there is a hierarchy: one loves - the other allows itself to be loved. There is not and can not be equality, equality. Someone necessarily adjusts to the partner, whether it concerns sexual preferences, choice of dishes for breakfast, lunch and dinner, the distribution of household duties, the purchase of things, etc., etc. Therefore, in such relations, there will never be a replacement for individual "I" for the common "We". If it is possible, then under one condition: one of the partners for marriage completely levels itself, dissolves its individuality, its needs, and loses itself as a person. Sad outcome! There is no place for harmony, real, equal and exalting man of love, there is no happiness. And the future, in fact, the couple also do not.
Family-market relations
And what happens if fate confronts two egoists? Such a tandem will either lead to the so-called scorpion syndrome, when one of the "lovers" simply eats the other, or their relationship will become a kind of analogue of the family market. In this case, the position of husband and wife will change somewhat. If previously the dominant principle was: "I want you to do me a pleasant thing, but I do not want to do it myself", - now their family code sounds different. Namely: "If I do to you what you want, what will be your step in return?" Or: "I will do it if you do it." And then about the same conditions are put forward. Such examples of egoism are often found in marriages by calculation, and the main provisions of future relationships are prescribed in the marriage contract. And the marriage itself, by and large, resembles a profitable deal.
When the minuses turn into pluses
In business, such concepts as business decency, trust, honesty, partnership are important. If they are transferred to the family level, everything may not be as bad as it seems at first glance. Yes, husband and wife can agree on many things in advance. Can lead a common farm as a joint venture. They can help each other in difficult situations, because prosperity (in all spheres!) Alone is beneficial to the other. In a similar tandem, people even begin to show warm human feelings to each other. Of course, if they do not change the very decency that we talked about.
Selfish and self-conscious
In nineteenth-century Russian literature, we meet with such interesting concepts as "selfish selfishness" and "reasonable egoism." The author of the first is a talented critic VG Belinsky. This is how he designated Eugene Onegin and Grigory Pechorin - heroes of the novels of Pushkin and Lermontov. What did Belinsky mean? He explained his term: an egoist man is not born. So it becomes under the influence of the environment, circumstances. Often it is society that is responsible for the fact that someone's character has been completely warped, disfigured, and destiny destroyed. Then the boomerang law is included - and the person himself becomes the destroyer of already alien destinies. The situation is different when intelligent selfishness is included. This concept was introduced into the masses by the writer-democrat and social activist NG Chernyshevsky and is grounded in the novel What Is To Be Done? What is his essence: it is unprofitable for the egoist to think solely of himself, neglecting others. He is not loved, he will not be helped, he has no one to count on. Agree, it's silly to put yourself in such a position as a renegade! Therefore, relations with others should be built in such a way that the personal interests of one person do not contradict, to a large extent, other people. For example, if you came to a cafe, ordered food, enjoyed the aroma and taste of the dishes, and next to each piece you put in your mouth a starving glance escapes a long-gone man, lunch will not go to you for future use. But having treated a beggar, you will feed the needy, and do not spoil your appetite. Reasonable, is not it?
As you saw, selfishness is selfish. And not always it is a minus!