Referring to the "you" by the rules of speech etiquette

Features inherent in the person in his speech and written address to other people, largely characterize the overall culture of this person. They are in close connection with the image that he creates in the eyes of others, and therefore, affect their attitude towards him. Therefore, one of the most important issues is the ability to correctly use the pronouns "you" and "you" in conversation with various interlocutors and when writing letters and other documents.

The first "register" of polite words and expressions

It is known that in Russia for the first time polite forms of treatment were set out in a kind of textbook, which appeared in 1717. This book, which was compiled with the personal participation of Peter I, was called "Youth honest mirror, or testimony to everyday life" and was intended primarily for young Russians.

Around the same time, the sovereign, who planted the European form of behavior in the country, introduced the use of "you", borrowed from a number of foreign languages. In former times, in the plural, they addressed the person only in the event that they wanted to give the words a special meaning. Saying "you", as if implied that this man alone is worth many. Such treatment contained a special politeness.

In 1722, Peter I was the "Table of Ranks" ─ a document that determines the correspondence of military, civil and court ranks, dividing them into 14 classes. In it, among other things, it was indicated how to apply to a superior of a particular rank. The forms were different, and depended on his position on the career ladder, but in all cases a plural reference was required, for example, "Your Excellency" or "Your Grace."

"Distorted politeness"

It is curious to note that the habitual appeal to "you" so familiar to us today took root in the Russian language, overcoming resistance that sometimes came from representatives of the most progressive circles of the Russian intelligentsia. To see this, it is enough to open an explanatory dictionary of V. I. Dal, compiled in the middle of the XIX century. In it, an outstanding Russian writer and lexicographer characterizes the reference to "you" as a distorted form of politeness.

Moreover, in one of his articles he criticizes those educators who consider it appropriate and even necessary to tell your students "you" instead of getting them to turn to "you" for themselves. Now such a position can only evoke a smile, but a century and a half ago she found numerous supporters.

Politics invading the everyday lexicon

Soon after the February Revolution, the Provisional Government's decree abolished estates and ranks. The past forms of appealing to their representatives have also disappeared. Together with them, the old words "sir" and "madam", which after the October revolution were replaced by a common "Soviet citizen", "citizen" or "asylum" ─ "comrade", addressed both to men and women. However, the appeal to "you" has been preserved, becoming one of the main rules of modern speech etiquette.

In what cases is it customary to say "you" when addressing the other person?

According to generally accepted standards of conduct, this is done primarily in formal situations: at work, in various institutions and public places. In this case, to say "you" is appropriate in the following situations:

1. When the dialogue is conducted with an unfamiliar or even unfamiliar person.
2. If the interlocutors are familiar, but are in official relations, for example, colleagues at work, students and teachers, subordinates and their superiors.
3. In those cases when one has to address a person to a senior in age or occupying a management position.
4. And, finally, to officials, as well as service personnel of shops, restaurants, hotels and other institutions of this kind.

It should always be remembered that the reference to "you" to a stranger is the norm established by elementary rules of conduct.

In what cases is it possible to appeal to "you"?

In certain, mostly unofficial situations, the rules of speech etiquette allow the reference to "you". It is appropriate as at work when communicating with colleagues outside the sphere of official activity, at home or on vacation. Such a form of treatment can serve as an expression of friendly relations between the interlocutors, and emphasize the unofficial nature of this conversation. However, in order not to get into an embarrassing situation, one should keep in mind that it is only permissible to say "you":

1. A close friend of a person with whom he had to communicate earlier, and, with whom, relations allow to neglect more stringent official requirements in circulation.
2. Adults in conversation with children or adolescents.
3. In an informal setting, to a minor or an equal in official position.
4. In conversations between children and parents, the modern tradition allows the use of "you" by one and the other side.
5. In the youth and children's environment between peers, even if they are not familiar with each other.

According to the generally accepted rules of speech etiquette, it is absolutely unacceptable to refer to the "you" of a younger person (both by age, and by social or professional status) to an older person. In addition, a sign of bad manners and bad taste is the manner of saying "you" to employees from among the staff of the institutions.

Nuances of communication between managers and their employees

An important component of the rules of behavior in society is the regulation of the use of "you" and "you" in the conversion of the superior to the subordinate. Without going beyond the bounds of decency, the head can speak to his employee "you" only in the event that he has the opportunity to respond to him in the same way. Usually this happens when informal relations are established between them. Otherwise, an appeal to a subordinate for "you" will be a gross violation of speech etiquette.

Establishment of an informal form of treatment

The generally accepted rules of propriety include, however, the transition of partners from "you" to "you." However, it is possible only in cases when an appropriate type of relationship is established between them, which makes it possible to replace the formal appeal in a conversation with a warmer and more friendly one. As a rule, this indicates that the previously neutral-restrained relation to each other has given way to a certain rapprochement.

It should be noted that the generally accepted norms of behavior provide for a certain period of time necessary for the conversion to "you" established at the moment of acquaintance to give way to a more open and friendly "you". Its duration depends entirely on the personal qualities of the interlocutors and external circumstances.

It is important to subtly grasp the moment in which it is possible to invite a partner to switch to a "you" conversation, since in the event of an error and his refusal, an uncomfortable situation will inevitably arise. Therefore, to change the form of treatment, one must feel the desire of one's interlocutor. The one-sided transition in the conversation to "you" is absolutely unacceptable, as it will inevitably be regarded as disrespect for the partner and neglect shown towards him.

When the informal "you" gives way to a more strict "you"

Speech etiquette of the Russian language also provides for the transition from a friendly "you" to a more formal "you", although in everyday life this is not common. Nevertheless, it is possible in cases when the relations between the interlocutors deteriorated and assumed a purely official character. This can happen as a result of quarrel or any serious differences.

Sometimes the appeal to "you" may be the result of the fact that the conversation is of an official nature and takes place in the presence of outsiders, in which the interlocutors, usually speaking to each other "you", are forced to observe a common etiquette. In this case, addressed to each other "you" do not indicate a change in interpersonal relationships, but only about the specifics of a particular situation. For example, teachers in the presence of students, as a rule, communicate with each other to "you", although when they are left alone, under the right conditions, an informal "you" can quite afford it.

Rule written form of treatment

All of the above rules of etiquette must be followed and in cases where communication takes place not in oral but in writing. In this case, your pronouns and you with a capital letter are a form of polite treatment only to one particular addressee. If the letter or other document is addressed to several persons, then the pronoun in the plural should be written from the lowercase (small) letter. To write "you" with a capital letter, referring to several persons, is a mistake.