What is your behavior that can destroy a marriage?

Although new research shows that being married is one of the best things you can do for yourself, but this task is inevitably difficult and difficult. In any marriage, we have a multitude of interrelated interactions, from roles and responsibilities in the home, to the emotional and sexual aspects of relationships. Your future is really connected with a partner in many ways.

But this common future may not exist in the event that couples get stuck in unhealthy patterns of behavior. Many in such cases begin to appeal to psychologists. Experts say that 60% of couples who applied for help got stuck in one of two toxic behaviors: conflict-confined and hostile-dependent. Each of these speakers has a bad effect on your relationship, and for that there are many different reasons.

The dynamics of "conflict-closure" is defined by fear

For both partners, the emotional risk of speaking out exceeds the potential benefit from the fact that they will discuss problems and try to work with them. As a result, you try to change yourself to be acceptable to your partner, because in that case he will not reject or throw you away. Each person in such a pair jeopardizes their desires and their identity - what makes him a person.

The hostile-dependent dynamics is determined by the conflict

In this case, each partner believes that he is right. Therefore, both partners make attempts to take everything under their control, blaming the other. The basic assumption is that if you can determine the problem in a relationship, it will be easier to tell about it to another person, and this will help to get some relief.

The problem is that both these dynamics of behavior are actually a survival mechanism that is formed when a couple spends more and more time together.

How the relationship develops

Most couples start their relationship with the fact that they want to be with each other, they are pleased with the communication and everyone remains sympathetic to their partner. Since differences begin to appear in the value system of another person, each person at the reflex level tries to cope with the new situation. If the pair is conflict-confined, then no one will stand on the surface of their disagreement, because it does not want to aggravate the conflict. In this case, partners begin to put themselves at risk.

If the relationship develops, each partner will have to go through an uncomfortable process of differentiation, where each person must determine their values and transfer them to another. But at the same time, both partners recognize that their second half can have other values that do not coincide with their own. The result of this may be a breakthrough in the relationship or a separation.

Differentiation begins when one person decides to take the risk of speaking, and in some ways starts to fight for their rights. Such partners are tired of compromising themselves, so they say: "I do not care, I have to start talking, even if my spouse leaves me. I do not care, I can find a way to live on my own. "