What are the stages of the relationship?

Any couple, entering into a relationship, believes and hopes that all life will pass like a honeymoon in an idyllic and romantic love, without quarrels and wrangling. However, this is not the case. Any union sooner or later passes through the natural crisis stages or stages of relations. In psychology, there are different interpretations of the stages through which the relationship passes. The most popular and interesting system is described by M. Targagova and originates from general psychology.

Today the concept of "7 stages of love" is widely used in practice in the psychology of marriage and family. It is important to note that most of the pairs pass through these steps asynchronously. This phenomenon is caused by a variety of factors, for example, such as the age or temperament of the partners. Basically, the whole cycle, especially its last stages, takes at least ten years.

Stages of development of relations

Also very often psychologists stand out only 3 stages of relationships: the month of love, the struggle with selfishness, the true feelings. In fact, these stages are greater, but not all of them for one reason or another are all lovers.

"Chemistry of love," or hunger

The stage lasts about eighteen months. Characterized by the agonizing, exhilarating expectation of calls and meetings. The first stage of the relationship is accompanied by the development of the brain endorphins, pleasure hormones, blocking stereotyped thinking and negative emotions. Increased activity is observed in the areas of the brain responsible for desire, stimulus, attraction, subordination. It is interesting that in studying this particular stage of the relationship, scientists discovered an unusual fact. The activity of the brain zones in a person in love and similar areas of a drug addict who has taken cocaine looks almost identical.

It is very important that the stage of falling in love, or as it is called hunger, does not last more than eighteen (in exceptional cases of twenty) months. Otherwise, the body may face nervous and physical exhaustion, up to weight loss.

Psychologists advise not to take any important decisions during this period, because soon an incredible feeling of euphoria can pass, and falling in love becomes a satiety.

Satiation

The stage of appeasement of feelings and even, calm attitude towards a partner. It necessarily comes to replace the first stage. The stage of satiety begins with cohabitation, when gradually beloved ones begin to notice not only the virtues, but also the shortcomings of each other. If there are many shortcomings, and the partners are not ready to change and make concessions, then the relationship at this stage ends.

The stage of satiety lasts from two to three months to a year. At this stage of the relationship, men are more vulnerable and emotional than women. They quickly become bored with monotony, I want something new. It is at this stage that thirty percent of men cheat on their partners. What in the end leads to a break in relations. The stage of satiation ends when partners already fully trust each other, i.e. Separately go to visit, theaters, museums.

Disgust, or rejection

An obligatory stage of long-term, strong relations. Lasts from six months to two years. This stage implies two options for the development of the life of lovers:

1. Transition to a new stage of relations through acceptance of partner's shortcomings.
2. Rupture of relations after long quarrels and unsuccessful attempts to alter or change a person for themselves.

For many, this stage turns out to be a complete disappointment in the chosen one. There is a separate category of people, which each time breaks off the relationship at the stage of disgust, thinking that with the new person everything will be different. However, reaching the third stage, once again disappointed in the chosen one and once again they start out in search of ideal relations. Some couples find a way out from the third stage after violent quarrels will return to the first stage of "hunger".

Another constructive option at the stage of disgust is a marriage built on benefits, or economic relations. Stages of economic relations arise in the complete absence of love, mutual respect, empathy. Such a union is based on any benefit: common children, home, everyday life. The only correct way to end the stage of disgust is the birth of love.

Patience

The stage of the crisis of relations, in which many couples seek counseling from a psychologist, begin to read special literature, attend various trainings or seminars. Very often the fourth stage coincides with the crisis of the third year of life in marriage. Relationships become more domestic, lost fervor and passion. If a child appears, the woman pays almost all the attention to him.

Priorities change, new joint goals are emerging, now they are children, common life, property. Passion goes into the background. There is tolerance for one's neighbor, accepting him as he is. The quarrels are no longer so significant, the couple increasingly comes to a common compromise instead of disagreements. At the stage of family relations , understanding, patience, the realization that one needs to change oneself, adjusts to the partner, as the gap at this stage can lead to a divorce.

Service, or the first stage of love

At the initial stage of the relationship, lovers may seem that they already love, because they are ready at any time to do something with unselfish joy for their partner. However, as soon as the "cloud" of endorphins dissipates and the person begins to be guided by his true beliefs, the so-called love and selfless desire to satisfy the partner's needs will evaporate. It is at this stage of the relationship that another person is perceived not as a source of pleasure, but as an object of service and worship.

The stage of the ministry can last up to three to four years, or it may not come at all. It is at the end of the fifth stage that respect for the partner and the transition to true friendship is born.

Respect and true friendship

The stage of heart-to-heart talks. At this stage, the partners become closest friends. Shyness goes away, exchange of thoughts, genuine feelings and emotions replaces him. The couple together overcomes all life's tests, supports each other. Quarrels and disagreements go to the background and practically do not arise. The stage of respect depends directly on the previous stage, that is, from service. The stage of true friendship lasts from three to six years.

It is interesting that this is the only stage that can not be replaced by the seventh stage, but coexist with it.

Love

Most unions between a man and a woman die after the third stage, while love begins to germinate only at the fifth stage. This is a long-awaited reward for those who have patiently passed through all the stages of the relationship, caring and respecting each other. At this level, the couple understands each other without words. It is noteworthy that the stage of love often coincides with the time when the children have already grown up and the couple can shine all the time only to themselves, can even return to the first stage of the "love chemistry" relationship with all of its passion, dedication, trepidation and excitement.

Love is a reward, and it is to this stage of the relationship between a man and a woman that you need to go long and painstakingly, not only accepting partner's shortcomings, but also changing yourself.

The result

Considering the stages of the development of relations, it can be concluded that the process of relationships, not only for men and women, but also for their children plays an important role. Some pairs are unique in that they have the stages of the relationship running simultaneously or have the characteristics of several stages at once.

In the second and third stages it is important not to allow hard, aggressive and physical attacks from the partner during the quarrels. The existence of cruelty in a pair can not contribute to the creation of a strong union and the attainment of love. To avoid a divorce or divorce in the stage of raising children, it is important to find time for privacy, joint activities, walks. Otherwise, when the children leave the house, it may be that a stranger is nearby, and not a loved one.